Well, today is here.
And tomorrow is coming.
Which we all knew it would. The only thing is that when I looked at my life after college, I never saw any farther than tomorrow (little orphan Annie, please shut up). Last week was just overall terrible and left me feeling extremely sad and anxious at the prospect of living in a world without the people who I've grown to love down here, people like Jorge, and Ana and the kids, like Geraldine my Oriental theatre coach, like Alejandro my nerdy tango partner, like Silvia and Mariela and all my little ninos at La Casita, like Juanito my night security guard who invites me to drink the mate and share life lessons, like Fede and Sol and CoQui and Guille and Ana and Paula and Diego at ISA who know my name and to expect me every Thursday afternoon with a steaming bag of Chantilly's empanadas, I'm gonna miss those empis.
This week was a week of lasts.
Last dinner at home with the family, last night dancing tango and salsa at La Viruta, last final exam at Universidad de Belgrano and actually EVER again as an undergrad, last acting class at Centro Integracion Teatral, last trip to La Casita and last hugs and kisses from the kids who were never part of my plan when I came, but who've transformed my life in ways I don't even know yet. Those angelic little devils who used to terrify me, now I wish I could fit them all in my suitcase! I think the scary part about the saying goodbye is the fear of being forgotten. For los ninos I decided to leave them a little reminder that they are loved, even from the other side of the world. So I bought like 40 pairs of socks, cozy, warm, comfy, soft, socks, and painted on all of them "Te amo." They went nuts when I passed them out yesterday. They were first just excited for presents, and several of them stormed the pile and stashed like 4 pairs into their backpacks before coming back for more. But I don't know if I'll ever forget Julieta's and Lilian's faces when they realized what the message said. It was like seeing a flower swell up with sunshine and explode in a bloom of radiant smiles. It's the little things like that... like the music in Silvia's voice when she exclaims "Kelly!" and the plump little cheeks I get to kiss hello and goodbye, and how Milagros broke a little reluctant half smile from her gloomy mood when I told her "Te bancamos" (which I defiinitely learned from Alejandro, Gracias amigo!), and the tears in Abuelita's eyes when I said goodbye to her, and how she called me "nena" and "mi vida," and how Mariano didn't wanna show it but was super proud that he finished the math problems I gave him so much so that he wanted to keep going with them after I left.
I hate leaving them behind... but at the same time, now I have an anchor here. I have something left behind so that when I return, it will be a little bit like coming home. A very different home, but still. At the end of the day, I can't live this life forever. I feel like as this trip has been drawing to and end it feels more like waiting... I can't imagine leaving, but I also can't imagine staying.
Besides, I've done everything that I came down here to do, and more.
I traveled to Carilo, Mendoza, Calafate, Rosario, and Iguazu absolutely crisscrossing the whole of Argentina.
I visited Santiago Chile, Rio de Janeiro Brazil, and Colonia Uruguay, briefly but enough to get a sampling of the different cultures of South America.
I took four university courses and wrote a total of 7 papers in Spanish.
I took bi weekly tango classes.
I took two acting classes in the city with locals.
I volunteered once a week in Escobar.
I saw an opera at Teatro Colon.
I went on a date.
I went on an audition.
I dyed my hair pink.
I drank mate, Malbec, Fernet, Quilmes, pisco, and Caiphirnhas.
I also turned 21!
I bought leather boots.
I ate steak.
I swam in the Atlantic ocean and the Rio de la Plata.
I crossed the Andes Mountains.
I learned a little Portugese.
I went to a gay marriage rally on the day it was passed by the first country in Latin America.
I made friends from Chile, Brazil, Venezuela, Spain, Holland, Denmark, Australia, England, Canada, Ireland, and all over the United States.
I don't think I could ask for anything more. Goodbye is never easy, but it doesn't mean the end of the adventure. Just the start of a new one.
Speaking of goodbyes, I went with Ana to the cemetary on Sunday to see Jorge's resting place. We left flowers, Ana said a prayer, and I told her how much I miss Jorge, all his help, his jokes, his dancing in the car, how he always ALWAYS had to finish dinner with a dessert, and little things like that. I felt like saying it to her in front of him was as close as I would get to actually thanking him for being my Argentine father and making my time here so valuable. We realized that the last time I saw him was on my birthday asado. Ana had invited the whole family as a last big goodbye party for me, but no one could have known at the time just how precious was that goodbye would be.
I feel so overwhelmingly blessed I can't even describe.
ps. I have a TON of journal entries and photos that will be posted retrospectively. I've just been too preoccupied to get around to them and I apologize. I'll be state-side on Sunday so expect them within the next week :)
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